| May. 16th, 2008 @ 10:52 pm Cuarenta |
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"Do you have a deck of cards?"
And at that question my eyes lit up, I tried to suppress the smile that was already beginning to form, forcing down the corners of my mouth that suddenly seemed if they were on springs. What I should have said, what I was dying to say was "YES! I do have a deck of cards. I have been carrying them along with me for months now just waiting, nay hoping, for the chance to actually have someone to play with!" Instead I played it cool, fumbling through my bag, as if I was amused or unsure of what I would find, and casually produced them as a sock fell to the floor.
"yep, looks like I do..."
"great! Let's play a game. Here, come sit, I'll teach you..."
I think if Y knew at the time how consumed and obsessed I would become with this game she never would have suggested that we play. She would have found another way to pass the time, something else to occupy us when the sun set and we were alone in our motel room. I can't fault her. She really didn't know me that well and from all outward appearances I seemed quite pleasant, easygoing, calm. What she didn't know then, and what she would quickly come to learn, is that I can be extremely competitive when it comes to playing games.
It began quite casually. She explained the game to me, pointing out that it was an Ecuadorian card game that was invented in the country, and then went over the rules. There weren't many and of course I wasn't paying attention, I was too eager to start to play, to win, to be victorious. Rules I could pickup as we went along.
I lost the first game. This shouldn't have come as a surprise and it really didn't. I expected to lose the first time, it's only natural and surely no one could expect anything else. I mean it was my first time and I still didn't understand all the rules. Plus, to be fair, she had been playing this game all her life, well at least I liked to think that, and so it would be expecting too much of me to be victorious that first time. That would be for the second game.
I lost that one too. And when I say lost I don't mean like it was close, like if not for one card I would have won. No. I got my ass kicked. My pride was swallowed and then spat back at me. After the first hour she realized that I was no longer playing for fun, to kill the time.
I soon began to define my own victories. Breaking double digits, in a game where victory required 40 points, became a brilliant accomplishment. I would smile at Y, aggresively pointing to my collection of points: "look, 11!" as if she was a spectator who had just walked into the room and not my opponent. As if she didn't realize that she had just beat me, again. She was sweet about it though, trying to make losing seem better, with words of comfort and eyes that asked "are you sure you want to play again."
"YES GODDAMMIT! I mean, yea, why not?"
And, god bless her, she kept letting me play more. She really wanted me to win, if only to finally goto bed. She knew I had to win because after 4 hours of playing it wasn't just about a game any more. It was about honor, about ego, about self confidence, all of those things that it means to be a man. But it wasn't meant to be. Exhaustion finally ended what talent and skill could not.
In the days, weeks, that followed we would play whenever we could. Or, rather, I would suggest we play. After that first weekend she stopped bringing it up. At any spare moment I would produce my deck of cards, no longer needing to pretend like I didn't have them. Sitting down in a nice restaurant waiting for our meal? Let's play the card game! And we would and she would kick my ass, again. and again.
To be fair I did win some games and I am sure she let me win a few as well. But eventually I stopped caring about that because it was OUR game, it was something that we did together. I liked playing it, with her. I liked bickering back and forth, throwing a fake tantrum when she won or greatly exaggerating my own, few, victories. And I think she did too. At least I like to think she did. I had found happiness in loss.
This morning I found a computerized version of the game. It's an ancient copy, created in 1996 that uses the internal PC speaker for "noise". I have been playing it throughout the day. Still losing, of course. But it's not as fun, not really. You can't bicker with a computer. You can't smirk when you have a winning hand. The computer doesn't chastise you when you make a silly mistake. But more importantly, you can't hide your own happiness when it wins because you get to see it smile.
After one of my few victories
(The game is called Cuarenta. Rules and a link to the computer game can be found here: http://www.pagat.com/fishing/cuarenta.html It's a really fun game and pretty easy to learn but not master. If you can count cards you will be really successful) |
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